Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Effects Essay

     A knock at the door, I stare at it, thinking to myself "I'm not expecting any company, or any packages." slow I creep to the door and peer out, ever so slowly as to not make any noise. There is a woman standing outside, she is the lady who showed me the apartment, and is in charge of paperwork, I know why she is here, but I am not answering the door. She posts to things on my door, and walks up stairs, I still don't open the door until I know she has left our building entirely. Then I open it grab the pieces of paper and close it again, very quickly encase she comes back. It's a final notice about rent. We are behind four hundred and forty-six dollars, and trying to catch up as quick as we can, but not quick enough, we have 7 days. It is starting to set in we may not have a place to live next week. There are several effects that come into play, panic, sadness/madness, and the will to overcome.
      It is my worst nightmare getting behind on bills, especially on rent because that is your home. The sheer terror of reading that, knowing that i need to come up with that money between now and next Tuesday is scary. it instantly sends me into panic mode seeing where I can come up with the money, what I have to postpone for a week for bills in order to pay it, and how I'm going to ask my boyfriend for money knowing he has been trying his best to give me more money for the bills.
     The panicking just makes me even for frustrated, and i don't know what I am more sad or mad. I know my boyfriend tries hard to make money for us, and still go to school full time, but the job he has is not helping with bills, and this eviction notice is the icing on the cake. I know I said he is trying his best, and he is, but when is your best not good enough any more. I work full time and go to school part time, and i can pay my half just fine. It makes me sad to think that i have to talk to him about bills again, and let him down knowing i have tried my best, and he has tried all he can to help.
      After finding this out today and getting over the panic and shock of knowing i may not have a place to live, and thinking about talking to my boyfriend, and getting all the anger and sadness out to a great friend. I have found new hope, my ability to plan bills out and catch up on things has started to kick in and I have new faith that we will over come our struggles. In one week we need to come up with $446 which doesn't sound easy but its the holiday and my checks are big, and maybe he will have busy days. That is what I can hope for, and that helps my spirits perk up. I started to edit the bill plans, and see where i could cut out a bill here or there, and how big I thought my checks would be in the weeks to come, so we aren't behind again. Because lord knows i don't want to go through all the emotions i have today ever again.
     I'm always going to panic and get frustrated when things go wrong, especially when it comes to rent, and other bills. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to them, i need to know what I'm spending, and if I am paying on time. It's something i need to work on, and it isn't always a bad thing, but it does stress me out to a point where I go into a all out freak mode. I know in the end everything will be okay its the en-between  that worry, that panicky feeling that way me down beforehand, and that will to over come my obstacles that gets me through day to day.

1 comment:

  1. Sure, that's very nicely done, a well-handled piece on a difficult topic where you not only have to write the thing but have to deal with your own emotions as you write and make sure they are helping, not hurting, the writing. You have it all under control here!

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